Eleni Mandell's Latest Release is Out Now: The Story Behind "Hard to Be Lonely"

Being a single, working mother and maintaining my creative life as a singer-songwriter sometimes feels impossible, but I can’t let any of these parts of my life go, so I muddle through as best I can and am grateful for the challenges and rewards each brings.

During the day, I teach High School English to 15 & 16 year olds, trying to convince them that reading is awesome and words are amazing and there’s a good reason to take time to think about the lessons embedded in literature.

The rest of my life is filled with music and my family.  Sometimes the work informs the other half of my life, as it did with my newest single, "Hard to Be Lonely," the third release from Tailspin. The inspiration for this track came from a very specific moment with a student who changed my perspective on teaching, art, and life.

The Student Who Hid Behind Her Makeup

Five years ago, I met a 9th-grade student. We'll call her S.

S. fixed her makeup and hair in my class more than she did any reading or writing. She also fell asleep and gave me plenty of sass. One day, her head was down, and I asked a student to tap her on the shoulder. No response. Then I asked him to tap her again. No response. He tried to lift her. I thought, Oh my gosh, she’s having an emergency, and called for help.

She groggily came to just as the campus aide arrived in a golf cart. I called the nurse to check up on her, and was told, "Oh, she is fine." I asked if her mother had been called and was worried. No, not concerned. I thought that was strange. After that, S and I started to get along better. We joked and laughed, but she still spent plenty of time checking her makeup and brushing her hair.

The following year, she walked into my classroom during my conference period.

"S," I said, "You can’t ditch your class and hide in my room."

"Please, miss," she said. "Can I please talk to you?"

So, I told her she could stay for a few minutes, but then she would have to go to her class. She started to tell me so many things about her life. Her father had been abusive to her mother, and her mother had died of breast cancer. Her father even blamed her for her mother’s death, even though she had only been a child. She was being raised by her sister, a young adult with two kids of her own.

It had been her birthday just a few days prior, but her father hadn’t called until days had passed. It was the first time they’d spoken in five years. I handed her a box of Kleenex. She looked at me and said, "Miss, do you know how hard it is to be lonely? How hard it is to come home and no one wants to know how you are?"

I asked her to pass me a tissue, and we both cried.

After that, whenever I saw S on campus, she would run over and give me a big smile and a hug. I knew someday I’d write a song about it, but it never felt right.

Then I was going through my own hard time. I went through a breakup, Los Angeles was on fire, our country was becoming unrecognizable, and the whole world seemed like it was falling apart. I felt so vulnerable and alone. That’s when I remembered the conversation with S, and the song came tumbling out.

It took me several years to get used to the idea of teaching.

I had to really grieve the loss of my idea of what it meant to be an artist and my idea of success. Knowing that I had made a small difference in a vulnerable teenager’s life might have been the beginning of seeing it all in a different light.

I hope S will hear the song and remember that I’m rooting for her.

Listen to "Hard to Be Lonely" Today

Music has always been a way to process the world, but it is also a way to connect with one another.

Go listen to "Hard to Be Lonely"—out now wherever you stream music! I would also love to hear your stories. Shout out to a teacher who inspired you in the comments or link below, and be sure to sign up for my newsletter for more behind-the-scenes stories and updates.